we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
