I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
