you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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