Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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