I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
