what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
