Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
