TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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