Swine flu is the new snow day.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
