I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
