I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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