i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
