how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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