the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
