I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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