Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
