my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
