please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
