ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
