drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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