Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
