Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
