i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
