he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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