THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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