We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i drank out of a bidet.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
