so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
