Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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