i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
