i need an iv and a liver transplant
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
