OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
