as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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