I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
