my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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