I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
