just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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