You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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