it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
