Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
