garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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