woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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