Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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