And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I've blown a few things in my day
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
