she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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