Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
