So drunk its hurt
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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