My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
