People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
