before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
