True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
