im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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