that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
