just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize