I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
