i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
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the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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