After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
