You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
