Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
