nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
