Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
