We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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