You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
