I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
