Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
