he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
