We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
