i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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